The consequences of the discovery of an affair is usually painful for all affected parties. There are many contributing factors to an affair and people respond to this situation in different ways. As a consequence, nothing may change or the relationship may end or the relationship may be renegotiated. Each couple will have their own unique way to manage. Information is usually helpful and I have listed some good resources below. I would also encourage you to find (google) reference material that addresses the specific concern or problem you are experiencing.
- Here is a list of 6 affair triggers and reasons for affairs
- Some of these books may also be of interest to you
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is designed to help you diagnose when to stay and when to consider leaving, providing expert guidelines to make decisions.
- Healing from Infidelity and Infidelity are books aimed at helping couples work together to move past infidelity and repair their relationship.
- Conscious Uncoupling is best for couples looking to navigate the emotional struggles of breaking up in a respectful, healthy way.
- Coming Apart has advice and suggestions for healing after an affair
Therapy can also be helpful – search for a therapist who specialises in assisting couples through this situation. Be sure to ask questions about the cost, the model or theoretical approach used by the therapist for couples therapy (eg: Gottman, Imago, Emotion Focussed Therapy – there are others too) and whether the therapist has been specifically trained in and is experienced in treating the effects of an affair. Some therapists have a goal of only working towards keeping a couple together – check this if you are not yet clear about what you want or need. A therapist can also help couples to separate amicably – ensure you check if the therapist has experience doing this. Finally couples therapy is not recommended for people in domestic violence or abusive situations.
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